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Al Duvall - Labias Y Genitalmen Lyrics

I'm clean as a whistle when a stripper bares her breast
Sober as a judge at a midget-tossing test
If lies were Latin, I would be the Pope
And you couldn't find my heart with a stethoscope

Now, as the crow flies, she's five-foot-one
But take it slow, guys--the hike is half the fun
Though every beau tries, she'll never learn her place
'Cause her folks ate their dinner before they said grace

My baby wore a Salvation Army suit
She lost a heel when she gave me the boot
I take to drinking lacquer from a bowl
When I think of her out praying for some other guy's soul

Labias and genitalmen, these pages from my journal
Labias and genitalmen, concern a love eternal
It maybe is accidental when some parts I can't recall
But it's better to have loved a short girl than to never have loved at all

She fixed me breakfast beneath a sugar moon
It must be jelly, because I want to spoon
She said "How awful! What happened to the spread?"
And Mama laid her marmalade on my day-old bread

I worked the zipper and opened up her clothes
She was thrown in the cot; I was caught in the throes
I'd like to meet her maker who watches from above
I'm sick as a dog and I'm ready for love
The Reverend Roth calls upon the widow Sump
He shakes her tree, then he preaches on the stump
He chews on mothballs to purify his breath
She's the lily of the valley of the shadow of death

Labias and genitalmen, these pages from my journal
Labias and genitalmen, concern a love eternal
It maybe is accidental when some parts I can't recall
But it's better to have loved a short girl than to never have loved at all

I shall perform the aforementioned vice
Until hell freezes over--then I'll do it on the ice
I hate to leave off before the last refrain
But my suit is made of paper, and it feels like rain