Backside melts into a sofa
My world, my TV, and my food
Besides listening to my belly gurgle
Ain't much else to do

Yeah, I sweat a lot
Pants fall down every time I bend over
And my feet itch
Yeah - I married a scarecrow

I hate you
Talking to myself
Everibody's starin' at me
I'm only bleedin'

Someone taps me on the shoulder every 5 minutes
Nobody speaks English anymore
Would anybody tell me I was gettin' stupider?

I hate you
Talking to myself
You don't feel it after awhile
You take the beating

I'm a swingin' guy
Throw a belt over the shower curtain rod
And swing - - -
Toss me inside a Hefty
And put me in the ground

A drink needs me
I don't
I ain't about to guzzle no tears
so kiss my ass
Newscasters, coakroaches, and desserts

I hate you
Talkin' to myself
Everibody's starin' at me
I'm only bleedin'

Where are the kids?
maybepregnantorondrugs
oronwelfareontopoftheworld
donthehonorrolonparoleontheDodgers
onthebackofmilkcartonsonstakes
inthemiddleofcornfields
oncoversoffuturehistorybooks
onoldlady'smantleswalkin'onwaternailedoncrosses
I think it's time I had a talk with my kids
I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me
YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT NOTHIN'