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Patent Pending - Last Time That I Saw You Lyrics

The Last time that I saw you I was drunk as hellApologies are probably in order I can tellFrom the pictures that you postedI look liquid, I look toastedAnd I probably owe you money as wellI was faced, I was fadedI was sixteen types of wastedI was trading shirts with dudes I didn't knowI was toes up and I fell downCrowned the mayor of Tipsy TownFrom the second that I started I was doneI'm sorry but the last time that I saw you I was drunkNormally I'm not the one who gets carried homeAnd typically you won't find me drunk texting on my phoneI'm not a bro, I'm not out for troubleBut hot damn, I was seeing doubleSinging karaoke, it was Journey all night longDON'T STOP BELIEVING!I was ripped, obliteratedI don't want to see my credit card statement'Cause I was throwing back Jack like Slash in '92'CAUSE WE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY!I was pissed, I was plowedI was messed up, blacked outThis hangover is gonna last a monthI'm sorry but the last time that I saw you I was drunkI got a YOLO tattooDrunk dialed everyone I knewA shopping spree on AmazonWhat the hell was going on?Apparently I drank a bit too muchI'm sorry but the last time that I saw you I was drunk and uselessWoke up, I was handcuffed to a briefcase, I was clueless, how did I do this?And when I went to call the next dayI remembered that I lost my phone in a midnight Mickey D's melee, how the hell did I get this way?