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Original Broadway Cast - What If Lyrics

What if she never totures me anymore?
How would I manage?
What if she never nails my tongue
To the bathroom floor?
What if she walks away
Leaving me a-ok
Hiding each power tool
Why would she be so cruel?

I could stab my arm myself
Could rip my tonsils out
Could set my hair aflame
I could spray my eyes with mace
But face the fact, without her
It wouldn't be the same

Pugsley:
Grandma, what if there was this girl
who met this person
and they're gonna run away
and live alone and eat apples
What would you give her?

Grandma:
Nothing
She's your sister, Be happy for her

Pugsley:
But what if she doesn't get rid of him?
What if all the good time are already behind me?

Grandma:
That's life, kid
You lose the thing love

Pugsley:
Wednesday will drink and then
She'll be herself again
Lucas will leave her be
So she can torture me
Just like she always did
'Til then I'm just a strange, fat kid